For John Moe

Hi, John Moe,

I’m Veronica. I heard you on NPR’s Unsung Hero and immediately had to google you on my drive home last week, because if I didn’t do it right then and risk my life searching the web for some stranger on a podcast while operating a moving vehicle, I may never have remembered to look you up once I got home. You’ve proven worth the risk.

I’ve almost finished The Hilarious World of Depression, and I have so many feelings and thoughts. The most logical thing seemed to be to send a complete stranger an email sharing them.

If Depression had its own “Me Too” movement, consider yourself a great contributor. I want to thank you. So… thank you for the following:

– Being vulnerable and transparent about your illness, your family, and your struggles and triumphs.

– Making me laugh so hard while also crying and trying to pretend I’m not on a long car ride home with my fiance and kids. (This trip sucked. I hope I either forget it or my brain becomes so foggy I remember it as a good time instead of a shit-show. Let’s just say the photographers at touristy places do NOT like being told, “No, we are NOT doing pictures. I don’t want to remember this.”)

– Reminding me I don’t have to pretend.

– Giving me the inspiration to THINK about writing again. I’ve paid for a blog domain for over a year now and still haven’t posted. It’s hard to want to write when you feel like no one wants to hear what you have to say. It’s a Saddie thang; I know you get it.

– Helping me see that I may need some more help. Again. 

– Stop reading now if this is giving you a big head. We’re all special, damnit! 

Now, I want to tell you how you made me angry and sad (it’s not you, it’s me?):

– I consider one of my highest achievements to be that I am now considered a Scholar on Podbean, running very close to being a Master. Do I hold a degree? No, but I am a scholar in their eyes (who are these people?) and that feels more than enough on no days of the week. So I was excited you had your own podcast! I went to check it out and what did I see?! That the last episode is from 2019! Immediately I assumed that this meant you had died because Depression. Ugh – I found someone I like and he’s dead. Go me. But nope! You’re not dead, at least not to my knowledge, but things may have changed in the last twenty minutes. I am happy to see you’ve got a project in the works.

Without going into too many details, depression runs deep in my family. So does suicide. What you are doing by continuing the conversation of mental illness is more important now than ever. So if you ever start to doubt it (doubt is depression’s sidekick), know I am here to remind you that your brain is clearly lying. I got you.

In gratitude,

Veronica Hopper

Surviving Saddie