Why do we call it “black Friday”? This is a question I asked myself this morning. I always thought it meant something ominous, like the Friday before something hopeful – like Easter. Turns out it has nothing to do with anything religious, not in a typical sense anyway. There are a few theories on the origin of the name, but undoubtedly today, we recognize it to mean shopping.
When I woke up yesterday, I checked my emails like I always do, and the first one had the heading “Black Friday EARLY DEALS!”. I thought it was sad. The morning of Thanksgiving, a retailer is trying to persuade me to shop. Can we not even wait until the day of the event? Can we not allow one day in America to be about presence? To allow the space to appreciate what we have, instead of longing for something else? Of course, a business is a business and trying to make a profit isn’t something to be ashamed of. But where do we draw the line? When do we say enough is enough?
Retailers put deadlines on bargains to make us feel that an opportunity will pass by unless we act. But while we hunt for deals and pat ourselves on the back once we find one, the time we could have spent on family, on thoughtfulness, on friendship, on rest, on insight, on presence, is gone. That’s the real opportunity that passes us by. It’s insidious, the way this game works. We often don’t realize what we’ve lost until later in life. Until tragedy, or illness, or old age, or some other happening forces us to slow down. These opportunities are more direct than subtle. They force us to use our most precious resources on less trivial things.
But what about the space between these events? What about the everyday moments we encounter? The ones in which we elect to put our minds and our actions on autopilot, forgetting the sheer magnitude of the fact that we will never get it back? Today. Right now. Why have we turned it into a saying (YOLO) and use it to justify simplistic or even stupid behavior?
There’s a lot about my Christian upbringing that doesn’t sit well with me now. There is, however, times when the words I memorized come to mind – without any effort it seems. One of these verses from the Bible is this:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a ringing gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and exult in the surrender of my body, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13 1-3
I have thought of this verse many, many times during my life. Almost every time I see a friend or stranger doing or saying something kind, I think of this sort of Love. Not necessarily the love that says, “I will pray for you”. But the kind of love that takes action. The kind that makes a person present to nothing else but that moment. This kind of Love is bigger than religion or race or political identification. I hope you have experienced this kind of Love. But what does this have to do with Black Friday?
Sometimes when I find myself caught up in my phone, I feel a sense of guilt for my betrayal to the moment at hand. Because wherever I am at the time, I’m not really there. If you’ve ever tried to talk to someone while they are using their phone, you’ll know exactly what I mean. We can’t be in two places at once. I can’t be present with my life if I am somewhere else. It seems like a no-brainer, but I so often forget this. So often I feel like I have to be doing so many things at one time. I have a feeling you do too.
So here we are, one of the most profitable shopping days of the year in America. We could say we are being kind and thoughtful by buying gifts for loved ones, and that may be true. But what kind and thoughtful action are we not pursuing while we stay immersed in the game? If we gift because it’s the season and it’s what is expected, are we really showing love? While giving has a way of reminding us that life isn’t always about us, it can easily turn into obligatory generosity, or a clanging symbol, if you will. Attracts attention but lacks depth. It lacks the kind of effect that moves a person. And that is what Love does: it moves us.
While you are hunting the sales today, tomorrow, and throughout the season, remember what moves you. Look up and away from your screen. Chances are there are people and opportunities waiting to be seen, right in front of you. Ones that don’t involve a credit card.
In closing, I’d like to remind you that you are enough and that you have enough. You deserve to be Loved. You deserve to have joy. Thanks for being you, friend.
Happy and meaningful holidays and may the gift of life be evident to you,
– V.
Insights & Confessions 